Argh it ate my comment. Blah blah various. 1) I'd give myself a break about Mark if I were you. Lots of relationships are some degree of unreal. 2) Retirement stuff with the county (I think you're a county employee?) does seem nuts, like work another year and suddenly much more money. Presumably I won't be around long enough to mess with it though I've been saying that forever. 3) Confused because 10% is a really standard down payment. 4) Here's a guy Clark song I love though I guess it's a Steve Earle song sung by Guy Clark but whatever. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7FGw3IgZRk