maeve66: (question mark)
Day 15: If you could go back and correct one big mistake, would you, or are you content with where it's led you? Are the good times generally worth the bad?

Hm. Big mistakes.

1) Turning in my grad school application late, and subsequently being told by the Chair of the History Department at the University of Missouri-Columbia that if I'd had it in on time, *I* would have been the recipient of that year's Huggins Fellowship, with an enormous yearly stipend attached, instead of the actual recipient. Psych!

2) Not pushing to finish my dissertation, even if I would 95% likely still have become a teacher in public schools and not an academic. I would still have liked to complete the project. And no, before you ask me, I couldn't complete it now, during the summer(s). It would require at least a year on sabbatical with no need to earn money. So I can do it when I retire.

3) Going out with the asshole I was going out with when I started the LJ, now almost ten years ago. That mistake I wish I could go back and correct. I have not continued to associate with many toxic people in my life, but man, that was one. A YEAR wasted on that. The few funny anecdotes I got from it, I could do without easily. And there's nothing else in my life that would have been negatively affected by not making that mistake. I would still be doing what I am doing now, though possibly in better mental and emotional shape.

That's about it. I feel like that's not a huge number of serious mistakes -- am I forgetting or sublimating some?
maeve66: (Default)
Day 8: What behaviors do you think will kill a relationship?

I don't really know. In two of my serious relationships, I did the breaking up, and in those cases, there were a lot of different things... in the second of them, I felt undervalued, misused, emotionally abused, and ... I don't know, it was so bad that the list could go on a depressingly long time. In two of my serious relationships, the other person did the ending and honestly, I don't know what killed the relationship for them. I thought it was alive and well. Or maybe not that. I felt that MY emotions had not changed. Obviously, theirs had.

If I imagine a relationship and think about what would kill it, I guess I think that imbalance of feelings would be heading in the deathly direction. Maybe cheating (see below), but I am not sure about that.

Day 9: Do you believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater"?

Of people I know who have had affairs, one was absolutely serially unfaithful in one (fifteen year, about) relationship, and hasn't had any extracurricular activity at all in the second (almost thirty-five year) relationship. The other people I've known who have cheated (slept with someone else in what was understood to be a monogamous relationship) -- including me -- have only done it once, and it didn't end the primary relationship, though it caused conflict and unhappiness for a time. So I guess I don't think 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. Out here, in the Bay Area, or on the younger generation of the Left, or however you want to describe this, there are other ways to arrange things that would make cheating a non-issue. I'm not really too interested in those ways right now.

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maeve66

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